I Hate It Here: El Zucko's Magical Misery Machine

Addiction.

I can only imagine all the images that word conjures up. Heroin needles and rolled up dollar bills, empty bottles and roach clips. Drugs can be fucked up, no question, if you're reckless and don't do any research beforehand. Don't get me wrong, there was a time where if someone handed me a fist full of pills I would think, "Why not?" But I was lucky. There were definitely some close calls, but nothing too serious. And considering the friends I've lost, there is definitely a survivor's guilt there. I may never have touched heroin, but I was dumb enough to sign up for Facebook.

Mark Zuckerberg is the biggest drug dealer on the planet, and I doubt even he knows it. Social media addiction is a real thing, and it's something I'm fighting right now. Permanently deleting Facebook is the first step in taking my life back from social media, but it's going to be a long road. We've made it nearly impossible to be a part of society without some kind of social media connection, and considering I'm hoping this website will turn into something more than just me going off at the hip, I'm still going to need some form of social media to promote it.

But fuck if this isn't all just completely disgusting. You guys are fucking morons. And I'm sorry, because while there are a few of you I don't think about that way, the rest of you, I don't even know what to fucking say. Falling for 4Chan and right wing troll traps if you're a conservative, or if you're on the left, saying you would literally vote for Hitler if he was Biden's running mate after spending three and half fucking years comparing The Beast to Hitler. And what's worse is, the comparisons are actually becoming more numerous by the day, but plenty of people have stopped listening. That is to say, the people that need to be convinced The Beast is gonna fuck us all in the ass and wipe his cock on our hair have covered their ears and bent over. Disgusted? Good. Because again, this is all disgusting.

But this column isn't about The Beast, it's about the crazy emotional high we all seem to get off of the internet. Whether it's sharing memes that are just plain retarded, sharing articles from news sites that literally state they are satire and taking them at face value or sharing embarrassing videos of people on their worst days or just at their most human, I want to vomit at all of it. I realize it sounds like I'm riding the high horse up Morality Mountain, but that isn't it. I'm just tired of watching the same people asking for civility and showing no compassion for their fellow man. We've all done it, but now it's time to stop.

I know this is an addiction because of the amount of times I've tried to wean myself off. And it never works, so now it's time to go cold turkey. I might wind up needing to just smash my phone, but that would keep me completely locked out of society. Think on that and then keep bitching about Obama helping people get phones. Yeah, he deserves to be locked up in the Hague, but not for that.

None of you can tell me you don't get off on some of this, liberal or conservative. The videos may be different, the memes different templates and the articles from across the broad spectrum of bullshit that we call news today, but the sentiment is always the same. Ignorance and nastiness, and fuck if the Zuck isn't fapping on a pile of money knowing what he's doing to society.

Or a giant rock, if he is the lizard person we think he is.

I'm still wondering how it got this bad though, that even people who want to claim they take the high road never really seem to do it. I can still remember when MySpace first came onto the scene, and I'm sure a lot of us could tell this wasn't going to end well. And as much as I hate those fucking memes, Tyson is right, we all have forgotten what it's like to get punched in the mouth for something you say. I'm not advocating violence, but I am at the point where I don't care if someone swings on me. Someone has to say this shit.

Whether you're a jerkoff leftist who will preach about compassion for the poor and then give those same poor shit for joining the military when you damn well know they probably had no other options, or some right wing fuck who wants to scream about how all the Democrats are in a pedo ring when it was The Beast who put Alex Acosta, the guy who let Jeffrey Epstein off when they found LITERAL CHILD PORN in his home, in charge of the Department of Labor. I feel like a broken record at this point, but human trafficking also falls under the purview of the Department of Labor. But by all means, go on about how $46,000 on hot dogs is weird. Like these rich fucks weren't ordering the most expensive gourmet shit they can find.

Do I think Bill Clinton is a rapist? Yes. Do I think The Beast is a rapist? Yes. But this is my point. Everyone is so quick to get partisan that they forget the class divisions. It doesn't matter if you're Jeff Bezos or Rupert Murdoch, there comes a point where we need to realize that none of them, no matter what the letter next to their name says, have any of the interests of the working class at heart, the people who actually make this country work. You would think a pandemic would incite a little class solidarity. Guess not.

And god damn, do I love the irony coming from the right with their full-throated support of billionaires but at the same time going after George Soros and Bill Gates for having "undue influence." Like, if you morons can't see that the very problem is that they wield influence like that because they are that rich, then I have nothing more to say to you.

But I'm getting off topic again. Facebook is basically heroin. A quick high that is slowly destroying your brain. I only have the brain cells I have left because I would occasionally deactivate. I bet a lot of you don't even realize how much time you spend on there, especially in the currently charged climate. But I can guarantee it's a lot. And I know, because I'm on like all the time.

According to Statista.com, Facebook is expected to have 223.2 million users in the U.S., which is three million more than there were in 2018. That's two thirds of the country hooked on Zuckerberg's digital smack, and like the worst drugs, it's cheap and easily accessible. If you wanna talk about undue influence, especially considering how plainly Zuckerberg has made it clear he doesn't care about anything other than money, we need to talk about that. All it seems to be doing is making us dumber. I know Zuckerberg knows that both ethically and morally he is doing the wrong thing, but I highly doubt he's losing sleep over it.

Also like the worst drugs, the comedown is fucking terrible. Can any of you honestly say that you actually feel better after being on Facebook for any extended amount of time? It feels great while you're doing it up to a certain point, and then the rush fades away and you're left wondering why you just spent two hours scrolling through shit that isn't even really that funny and when did that family member get so racist? Honestly, I would rather blow through an ounce of coke and feel suicidal than deal with this shit anymore.

So that's it. Twenty four hours after I post this, I'm gone. And I'm really hoping it sticks, because I cannot do this anymore. Life is bad enough right now, I don't need to feel any worse. And that's all it's doing at this point.

I want to give Zuckerberg the benefit of the doubt, but if he is as smart as he acts like he is, he would've recognized how bad this shit was gonna get years ago. But he decided to completely ignore it, especially after they launched their IPO. But tell me again how greed is not the problem. What was it that Jesus said about camels and rich men? You know, that guy you are ALL so proud of quoting. But fuck if Jesus wouldn't whip most of you like the moneylenders for how little compassion you show your fellow man, liberal or conservative.

I'm not here to tell anyone what to do. You are all adults and can make your own decisions, but with election season coming up we really need to take stock of what's important and what exactly our values are, and these cannot be our values. I'm just as guilty as everyone else of this behavior, but I'm making a conscious decision to stop and I implore you all to do the same.

The worst part about it, and the reason I've been so reluctant to get rid of it in the first place, is because it's become so ingrained in our culture (remember, 220 million users) that how else can I keep in touch with everyone? It really does make it so easy, but maybe that's the problem. It shouldn't be this easy. All relationships take work, and there is very little actual work happening on Facebook.

So I guess this is goodbye to a bunch of you. I'll miss you all, I really will. But we're headed down a bad track and the conductor is doing nothing but shouting "Faster!" while shoveling coal like a madman. This train is about to go off the rails, and we are coming up on a rather populated city.

I hope we can correct it, but I think we passed the track switch a couple years ago.