I Hate It Here: Castor Away

Originally published: 6/26/2020

I'm usually late for, well, everything. Work, classes, family functions. You name it, I'm probably going to be late to it. It’ll be amazing if I can even keep to deadlines I set for myself. I still show up though, so hopefully that counts for something. And usually I don't miss anything important. 

Like last Friday for instance. I met up with a friend to head to one of the protests that were happening in Tampa. And as usual, I was late. But also as usual, I didn't miss anything important.

I say that for two reasons. 

The first reason is that it was a protest that was joined by Mayor Jane Castor.

For those who don't live in Tampa or pay attention, Jane Castor, a Democrat since 2015, was elected Mayor of Tampa in 2019. Before that, she worked for the Tampa Police Department. She joined in 1984, became assistant chief in 2005 and was appointed to the top cop spot in 2009 and held it until 2015.

Needless to say, many of us do not trust her because of this.

If I'm writing truthfully and honestly, which is the point of me writing this whole thing, it feels as though any protest that includes city officials acting in any kind of official capacity that doesn't involve only listening is not a protest. It's a p.r. stunt, a god damn photo op like The Beast holding a bible that doesn't belong to him in front of a burned out church he’s only visited because if he didn’t he might lose Alabama. The second reason I say that is because I heard what I would consider the important part. The part where Mayor Castor lied.

Although, maybe she didn't lie. Maybe “lie” is too strong of a word, considering how little the media is willing to use it in relation to anything, whether it’s themselves or The Beast.

I guess a better way to say it is that she misled. She stated that everybody IN the city of Tampa earns a fifteen dollar an hour minimum wage. Had she wanted to be honest, and not mislead, then she would have said that EMPLOYEES OF the city of Tampa make fifteen dollars an hour. Language is important, especially for a politician. Because otherwise assholes like me will tear you apart for it on the internet. It's dishonest, and in my eyes nothing to brag about. Harsh? Maybe. But I don't think I'm wrong in saying it's fuckery for the mayor to claim she did good for the people of Tampa when city employee's make up a little over 1 percent of the population. And that's assuming they even live in Tampa.

Remember though, how I said I always show up? That was not the case for Castor this past Tuesday, June 23rd, at the Citizen Review Board meeting. Which was, again, another lie.

How did she lie about showing up? If you knew about this meeting, then you know why I'm saying that. Her face was plastered on the flyer. When a city official places their face on a flyer inviting the public to come speak, they damn well better show up. And she never did.

The irony of this is that I arrived early. 

I entered the convention center maybe a quarter to six, had my temp checked, passed through the metal detector and seated myself in the meeting room. I had an intense feeling I didn't belong there, or that maybe I had missed something. There were around thirty people in the room. I recognized a few of them from protests I had been to, namely members of the Black Collective Movement of Tampa, an organization I highly respect but unfortunately have yet to speak with yet. I was a little disheartened, because I had been hoping more people would show up. Later on, I would realize this was not the case. A lot of citizens showed up.

In order to uphold social distancing guidelines, they were only letting in a certain amount of people. The problem, though, is that it would have been baseline decent of them to explain that for more people to come in and speak, others would need to leave. They held a public forum during a pandemic in what I read someone describe as the “smallest room” of the convention center. THE FUCKING CONVENTION CENTER. I originally left so someone could take my seat after I had spoken out against T.P.D. doxxing and intimidating a protester. When I left, I heard a commotion over by the metal detectors.

From what I could see, there was a group of people being denied entry due to social distancing guidelines. I loudly announced I was leaving so that someone else could go in and speak, because fuck these guys if they're gonna pull some fuckery to keep the people from speaking.

This next part I gladly admit: I got a couple things wrong when I spoke to the board, which I really do feel bad about. I don't have the best memory, for reasons that I really don't need to get into here. I had shut off my phone also. However, there really is no excuse and I need to be better in the future. I said he, when in fact it was a woman they had doxxed. I called her a protester, which whether she does or doesn't, I don't know. But I did get the intimidation part right. For anyone who is unaware of what happened: After a run-in with T.P.D., a Black woman by the name of Joneshia Wilkerson had her name, age, phone number and address released to the public. When asked if this was appropriate for a police department to do, the spokesperson replied "If Wilkerson feels threatened, she can contact the authorities." 

What in the ever loving fuck does that sound like to you?

I only spoke up about the doxxing because I didn't know if anyone was going to, and I could not in good conscience let it stand. When a fellow citizen is threatened by those in power, it is incumbent upon all of us to speak

up.

However, something happened that I did not expect.

Joneshia Wilkerson approached the podium. She told her whole story, spoken with a tempered emotion I doubt I would be able to have, had it been me T.P.D. doxxed. I was, and still am, completely floored by her courage. She speaks at around the forty minute mark during the recording of the meeting that is on YouTube. If you are at all a decent human being, you will listen to this woman's plea for help. I cannot begin to imagine what she is going through, and there is no other way to describe it than a complete failing of the system. A failure to do the one thing they always say they swear to do.

Protect. 

I will not go into every detail of the meeting. The stream is up on YouTube, as I said. I encourage everyone, whether you think the protests are right or not, to watch it. The meeting lasted almost three hours. It was practically all public comments. It's interesting to note that people seemed uncertain about giving their addresses after I pointed out the doxxing, and many were even less forthcoming with any information about themselves after Joneshia spoke. Curious, no? 

I heard awful stories, things that will depress you if you have a soul. But I also heard amazing speakers. People filled with passion and courage, again by many people far younger than I, willing to speak out against the abuses perpetrated against them. I listened to as many as I could, impressed by the courage of my fellow citizens to speak directly to the board and Brian Dugan, T.P.D. chief.

Dugan didn't listen. 

The chief spent a majority of the meeting on his phone, not paying any attention to the numerous citizens who were pleading for his attention. I watched several of them directly address him, only for him to ignore them almost completely.

Like at many of the protests I had been to, the Democratic Socialists of America had made an appearance. They also came to speak, and came with a list of demands. I wanted to ask D.S.A. about their initial thoughts on the meeting, and their reaction to Chief Dugan flat out not giving a shit. Three of them were gracious enough to speak with me, a veritable nobody.

"I think it's a complete farce if the mayor can't even show up." said Getulio Gonzalez-Mulattieri. He explained that they had given the review board a list of demands, and that "hopefully they take that seriously, because these protests won't stop soon otherwise." 

I asked him how likely he thought it was that they would listen to their demands.

"How likely? I don't know. I think that we're open to negotiate with them, but that we would like to see a defunding of the police department, and some tangible changes to what's going on here in the community."

I then asked about Dugan and his apparent lack of care.

"It's cool man, I like video games too. If he's on his phone the entire time, what can I say?"

I next turned to Quinton LoRe, asking him the same questions.

"I think it says a lot that Mayor Castor wasn't there. I understand she gets invited to a lot of things, as a mayor of a decent sized city. But if this doesn't make your priority list during a time like this, maybe you shouldn't be mayor."

And on Dugan?

"Dude sucks. I thought he was bad at his job, an hour and a half ago. And now seeing him do all this, he's bad at his job and a terrible person."

Finally, I spoke to Lisandra Morales. She explained that she had been invited by Getulio, her mentor, and that she had no expectations due to the rising tensions in the city.

"Unfortunately I kinda had a feeling Jane Castor wasn't going to come," she said. "Just because I've seen multiple town halls on either Facebook or the internet in general where she was invited but she did not come so it kinda shows what kind of leadership she holds in the city."

She said that she was glad she came to the meeting, however, so she could give her minutes to her mentor so he could present D.S.A's list of demands.

In that regard, she felt it went really well.

When asked about Dugan, she echoed the same concerns that he clearly does not give a shit.

"When I saw on, again, a virtual town hall where he called protesters hypocrites and basically how the Tampa DA actually guides the demonstrations, I knew he was a bad man from the start. But actually seeing him be on the phone, talking, whispering in the ear of a woman, and just flipping through his papers while people are literally demanding for their lives to be protected, it just shows the kind of people that are in authority right now and I find it completely disgusting."

I thanked them for their time and continued milling around the convention center. The meeting was still going on, but I figured I could watch the rest at home. I still wasn't quite ready to leave. I wanted to talk to at least a couple more people.

Luckily, I did find two more people who were willing to talk to me, but only if they could speak on condition of anonymity. I was happy to oblige, completely understanding their position. After all, T.P.D. is now doxxing private citizens.

"I believe that it's important that we got a space that was conducive to our voices though I believe that nothing will be done. They now know that we are not going to let up, we are not going to stand down, and we will continue to have a maximum presence as far as our plight is concerned. As far as Chief Dugan, I could tell him where he could put it."

I turned to their friend, asking their thoughts.

"First off, that's really how we feel, as Black people, as people in our community. The police, they fucking us over. They really are. And then you got Chief Dugan in there, saying the same as in Atlanta, how they don't have our backs and they're all against us. I'm like, we're literally dying out here. We're dying out here, we're being attacked. Shit's not right. And like she said, I can tell Chief Dugan where to put it. Fuck Chief Dugan. Fuck him."

They're not wrong.

Let's go over this again. The mayor put her face on a flier, and didn't even show up to the meeting. The chief of police showed up, but didn't bother to listen, spending the meeting playing Candy Crush or some other shit and not listening to what the people had to say. Tampa Police Department was invited and encouraged to show, but the only police that were there were assigned to be there.

I left after speaking to the last two, even more emboldened by the courage of Joneshia Wilkerson to write the column you are now reading.

It wasn't until I got home, however, that I saw Dugan's response, and boy, what a piece of shit. To accuse your citizens, the people the police love to claim they swore an oath to protect, of not caring until George Floyd died and that this will only be fixed by listening to each other is, well, pure horseshit. How can you get up there and tell people they aren't listening when you spent the past three hours ignoring the cries for help from your citizens? And then to turn tail like a coward when it was time to answer questions?

No wonder a protest was quickly organized for the following day.

So there you have it, readers. The Citizen Review Board meeting. I'm still processing everything as I write this. It's clear that the city officials don't care, and when that happens, where does that leave the citizenry? When the very people you put in charge to help seem unwilling, and in fact seem willing to put you in harm's way, where do you turn? I wish I had an answer, or some way to fix this. But I don't. All I can do is write about it.

I realize it's easy for me to say all this. It's easy for me to pick apart the people in power. But the truth is, it shouldn't be. It's only easy for me to do this because they're making it easy. Lying to your citizens, doxxing and then intimidating them, and telling people they need to listen when you ignore them in the first place is not something we should accept from any official in any capacity.

I make no claim to being perfect. Far from it. But I'm not an elected official. And I don't ever want to be one, because I recognize the sacrifices it takes, not to mention the intelligence and other incredibly important traits I don't believe I have. Or at least, not on a level a public official should have. Also, like I said, I'm late all the time.

But at least I show up.

I Hate It Here: You know what? I take that back.

Edit: At the time I published this, I was wholly unaware of the allegations against Warren Ellis. The universe is a motherfucker sometimes. This column originally included an appeal directly to the writer over the use of the title and domain name. I realize he has bigger problems, and it was silly of me to think he might ever see this anyway. Yeah...

The Lion King was basically Hamlet. Pretty sure they admitted that. Led Zeppelin has been sued, successfully, numerous times for ripping off other artists. George Lucas took most of his ideas from Joseph Campbell and Akira Kurosawa. My point is not that no one is truly original, which is rarer now than it's ever been, but that you don't need to be original to be successful. You just need to stick with it, find your own voice in another’s footsteps, and not be too obvious.

I've completely failed at that last one, so I need to succeed at the other two.

Yes, I got the title for this column (and I'm calling it a column, god damn it, because who really likes the word blog? It was stupid then and it's stupid now.) and my domain name from a cyber punk comic book. And yes, I realize a lot of people are going to call that lame. But I challenge any of you to read the fucking thing, and then tell me we aren't living with The Beast in the White House and a police force that doesn't give a fuck who you voted for. Ah, there's a third thing. And hopefully the last. But the protagonist himself describes their President as "a big black animal squatting in the heart of America... the thing in us that votes to fuck other people in the gall bladder, the lizard brain that says nothing but eat-kill-hump-shit." Who does that sound like to you?

Yes, I am not a fan of The Beast. And that is putting it mildly. If I'm being honest, I would say that he is going to be the worst thing to happen to Tulsa, Oklahoma in 99 years. But the worst thing about him is that he's a symptom, the runny nose on the sick body of American politics and culture, a fever dream that has been building since World War II, since our parents parents died fighting a genocidal madman who years later has his flag flying at free speech rallies. Madness. Madness and stupidity.

As far as the scum beneath him, how much detail do I really need to go into? Besides, I need something for future columns. I will say this though: if The Beast is the runny nose, Pelosi and McConnell are the runny shits and vomit, respectively. I'm sure we're all aware of how evil Mitch McConnell is, given he doesn't do his job and that he fired the guy investigating his wife. Why does this make him evil? Because people directly suffer. It's not hard. Same for Pelosi. I would make a Skeletor joke, but whereas both are amoral, incompetent villains, Skeletor at least is honest in his ambitions. I suggest anyone who disagrees look into what Edward Snowden has to say about her. Think Edward Snowden is a traitor? I think you're a bootlicker, so there we are.

However, all is not lost. Sick though the body is, it can be healed. And it is being healed as I write this, by people far younger and far braver than me. Not that I haven't done my share of protesting, but right now I'm sitting on my ass giving my dumb opinions on a blog I named after a fictional column in a comic book. These young adults, because children they are not, are fighting hard and show no sign of slowing down.

Neither do the police in their ever-increasing quest to be the next pop culture villains, replacing the terrorists we so carefully crafted to become a national bogeyman. I'm sorry to upset your delicate sensibilities, assuming anyone still reading has them after what I said about the human sock puppet and the Crypt Keeper, but you tell me why the fuck else we went into Lebanon and Syria.

The past few weeks have been, frankly, a nightmare, assuming you're smart enough to realize what the fuck is going on. And if not, ask someone who is smart but doesn't consume ten hours of either CNN or Fox News. You're going to wish you hadn't asked. That's normal. Welcome to a new world. Although, this isn't new. Nothing about this is new. This has been happening for years. It's just white America can't escape it, thanks to the unprecedented expansion of the surveillance state in the past twenty years.

It's important to note, however, that the surveillance state I speak of is not just the big scary government apparatus we think of when anyone says those two words. Although, that definitely plays into it. Once again, just ask Nancy Pelosi. But it's also us. Every Facetime, every Snap, every Twitter video and Tik-Tok, you're participating in the surveillance state. Dangerous times, indeed.

One could almost assume that was by design, that the easiest way to monitor the people was to have them monitor themselves. Who's going to think something like Snapchat could be used to monitor you and your family? Only the paranoid, the people we routinely mock in society. But if this was by design, it has been an enormous failure. I've seen more police brutality over the past three weeks than I think I've seen in the past two years. Twitter and TikTok has given white America a microscopic window into the Black American experience, and many are rightfully recoiling in horror, while the rest bury their head deeper in the sand.

So now a choice lays before us, white America. We can either pass another few meaningless reforms and declare victory, or we can sign up for the long haul, the path that is filled with peril, danger, and possibly no Wi-Fi. The horror. The choice is yours though, but not collectively. Individually, we must all make a choice. We can either admit to our own privilege and stand with our Black brothers and sisters, with all marginalized peoples of this country and hopefully one day the world, or we can go back to jerking off, binge watching Hulu and Ubering shitty food because we drank too much. As Pete Seeger asked before, which side are you on?

I see the work going on. But quite frankly, it's hard not feel like we're not doing enough. I include myself in that group. There is a mountain to climb, and the course hasn't even been plotted. This is not base camp. This is the shuttle to the base camp. The next few weeks are going to determine whether or not this will be the historic moment many of us are hoping for, or just another highlight on the New Years Eve reel.

If it is to be successful, we must recognize The Enemy.

I'm not sure what else to label the collective evil in our system other than The Enemy. If that sounds adversarial, that's because it is.

The Enemy is powerful, well funded, and does not give a fuck about you. It does not give a fuck about your rights, it does not give a fuck about your freedom. It does not give a fuck if you've eaten or gotten sick. It does not give a fuck that you're a good person, and seems to reward you if you're not.

The Enemy is an it because the enemy is not just the people in power, what the paranoid call the powers that be. It is not just the police, or the military, or the politicians who give them license to do awful shit. The Enemy is old as time. It is our own selves, our basest natures.

The Enemy is our ignorance and cruelty, the thing in you that tells you it's okay to do awful things to your own species, innocent or otherwise. The Enemy is saying freedom and liberty out loud, while quietly whispering the limitations.

This is what The Beast represents, and what The Beast has always represented. A physical manifestation of our collective vanity, malice, and stupidity. But again, this is not solely about The Beast.

Because if that is what The Beast represents, then what does the corpse the D.N.C. expects us to vote for represent? The man who in fifteen seconds insulted an entire community, who lies about any good he's done and is a massive creep? You could put a gun in your mouth when thinking about the choices. Again, I mean that. Hopefully my inbox fills up with liberal outrage. At least then I'll know I made it.

Because that's where we're at, and anyone who doesn't want to accept it needs to take a good, hard fucking look at the past. They need to look at where we are today, and realize that following the same old people, both literally and figuratively, is only going to land us in the shit again. Hillary Clinton was a massive mistake, and high on my list of regrets is voting for her. Not because it didn't do any good, but because I abandoned my principles with a dot of ink.

What the Vote Blue No Matter Who crowd fails to understand, and will always fail to understand because frankly most of them learned about politics through whatever cultural touchstone was around at the time, is that the game is rigged, so even if you think we won, we've still lost. Most of the terrible decisions this country has made, whether it was the war in Iraq or the 1994 crime bill, have been bi-partisan. Bernie Sanders wasn't our choice because we loved Bernie, angry adorable grandpa he is. But because, for most of his life, he has been fighting against the establishment you all claim to hate whenever your guy isn't in power. Because Biden lies about his involvement, but Bernie was there. Because Biden can say whatever he wants about gay marriage, but Bernie has been defending the LGBTQ+ community before it was a smart political move. Because at the end of the day, Biden represents the same awfulness The Beast does, but it's less likely to affect the NIMBY crowd.

Ah yes. Not In My Backyard. The rallying cry of the liberal elite. Are we surprised Beverly Hills instituted its own curfew to keep people from protesting? Because again, if you are, you have not been paying attention.

Scream all you like how Biden is the only choice, but you're also the ones who went on and on about "Any Sane Adult 2020" and HE is the best the D.N.C. could come up with? If Biden wins it will be by dumb luck. And I say that because we haven’t even begun election season, but already he's said things that would have disqualified literally, and I write this with no exaggeration, any other candidate. Gun, meet mouth.

It will not be the politicians who fix this, nor will it be the celebrities. It won't be religious leaders or businessmen. It will be the young men and women who have looked around their communities and said "No more."

No more brutality. No more inequality or inequity. No more to years upon years of oppression and ignorance, of terrible policies and even worse services. No more to anything that has been promised, because the promise has always been a lie.

So I say look around you, white America. Look around at what is going on, and make a choice. This isn't about being on the right side of history, which smacks of virtue signaling. This is about the fundamental question anyone who wishes to live in a free society must ask themselves. The question of what is right and wrong. I make no declaration of being unbiased. I will always be biased as long as I believe in the dignity of human beings, as long as I believe that it is wrong to treat people differently based upon the color of their skin, as long as I believe that my neighbor should not be left hungry and sick.

Uncomfortable? I hope so.

Because there is nothing original about your discomfort. It’s a microcosm of the discomfort felt by fellow citizens in your own country every day. A discomfort from living in a police state, a discomfort from watching the media always portray you at your worst instead of lifting you up like they claim to every other year, a discomfort that comes from watching your community be lied to and abused for four hundred years. A discomfort bred to reinforce the comfort of the white majority. A discomfort that is as American as baseball and apple pie, which probably isn’t even original either.

There’s nothing original about any of this, because this is the same fight against The Enemy that has always been there. The difference, however, is that there is a small chance that we can win, because The Enemy can no longer hide the way it did before. The pessimist in me is doubtful we can keep this up, but the optimist is somehow louder, screaming for me to get involved, to say loudly what I’ve always said, my own security or comfort be damned.

So I went with an unoriginal beginning. I’m hoping I don’t stay unoriginal, that I can do at least one thing of value. That I can amplify voices, instead of watching another idea wash away in a haze of pot and apathy. But I think this will prove to be a good idea in the end. After all, The Lion King grossed $658 million dollars. 

Maybe there is something to being unoriginal.